Holidays are not holidays!

My word I've been busy! It's a fun kind of busy, but nonetheless, these are hectic and time-consumed days! So hard to just catch a breath and say 'Here I am.'

I'm really looking forward to going away tomorrow. It's going to be nice to just relax at the beach for a couple of weeks with a bunch of great mates, old and new. I just hope I'll get a chance to breathe. It's quite a big group, so it'll be interesting to see how I handle it. I've often been caught up over whether I'm an extrovert or an introvert. In seventh form I wrote my creative writing piece on the different types of extroverts (maybe I'll put it up on here some time...), and I basically claimed to be all of them (all tongue-in-cheek of course). But when I told my dad about it he said he'd consider me to be an introvert! How bizarre... But I think that yes, I am a bit of a mix. Sometimes I just love being around people. I come alive when I'm in the right mood, happy to be loud and annoying with my constant calling out of quips and jokes, flirtatious (though I'm not happy being that way anymore) and fun. But I'm not that way all the time... My closer friends and certainly my family will be familiar with the quiet, perhaps reclusive Elliot. My room is definitely a well used space. I love to just sit up here, writing in my book, reading, listening to music, sorting... I think it's become a frustrating characteristic around my family, because I've become so used to completely introverting (haha I'm like a Transformer!) when I get home that they miss out on the fun Elliot, and then people who see my other side often miss my serious side (sorry, I don't mean to talk myself up or anything. Just trying to say things the way I see them). I think it's something I need to work on. A bit more consistency would be good.

So yeah, heading up north tomorrow with 20-30 others. It's going to be nuts! Great fun no doubt, but probably a bit tiring too. I'm really going to try and find some quiet time here and there I think, otherwise I may become a bit unpleasant! I really want to get some stuff out of this trip too... I'm looking forward to good discussions. Deep and meaningful ones, where I really get to know people and they get to know me. I've really come to value that in relationships this year. So important! I also want to get tight as with the Big Guy. We haven't talked long and proper in a while now, but I've somehow been hoping that plans for next year will just 'fall into place'? Na ah, I need them to be in sync with his, or there's no point in having plans! And I just want to be close with Him, because I know no better place to be. I've let other things get in the way for too long now, so I really want to remove, refresh, refuel and renew this holiday!

Wow. I'm just listening to Michelle by the Beatles on my new second hand record player and it's just beautiful! I haven't heard it since I was like 6 or 7, but the melody and it's simple lyrics have always stuck in my head... Such a joy to hear it again! Oh! And now Yesterday! This has put me in a pretty great space. Record players are so cool. It seems like there's an art to it all, the way you place the record so carefully on the turntable and then line the needle up precisely to play it correctly. It makes me want to just sit and listen and notice everything in the songs, like the soft crackling of the needle on little dust particles. So unlike my CD player which plays cleanly and mechanically through 5 CDs without me having even noticed.

Plus I'm really pretentious and indie so having a record player goes perfectly with that image I care so much about.

Merry Christmas tout le monde!

How stink am I? I was woken to breakfast in bed, and I was on the verge of being grumpy for being woken up! The breakfast was good though, and sleep returned soon after, so my extreme rage subsided. Phew!

My sisters have just started watching the Polar Express. Cute aye! (They are 19 and 16 so really it's not appropriate at all!) It's their Christmas tradition to watch this and the Grinch. I think it's great how they still get so excited about it all. Getting the Christmas tree was another big deal. I was too grinchy to take them to get it, and mum and dad were away, so in the rain they took the little car that Em's allowed to drive and came back lugging it up into the house, soaking wet but full of joy! I'm a little worried about tomorrow on the big morning... The excitement usually kills their sleep to the point that at 4 or 5am it's imperative for them to come running up to my room to get me up, in order that with our combined power we will be able to persuade mum and dad that it is time to open presents! Haha ok that was at least a couple of years ago... We usually make it to 6 eeeeasily these days!

Wow this movie's so good! I was distracted from this for like 20mins! Haha...

Jade's back on Feb 10th!!! Wooh wooh!

Mmmmmmmm I hain't got nothin' mo' to say, so I'ma cut it there... Merry Christmas y'all!

On growing up and being a provider.

I worked my last day of the year at the architecture firm I've been doing work experience for today. I was pretty stoked. It hasn't been the best of fun to be honest. It's a fairly small office of highly focused, mostly a lot older (save one) architects in which I've found it quite hard to find my feet. The work's been interesting, with lots of model making, and some designing of the kitchen and bathrooms of my parents' future house. I've also found it rather repetitive and monotonous, which combined with the minimal conversation that goes on in the office, the feeling of being rather out of my comfort zone with the quality of work expected of me, and following a rather average final year of my BAS, has all led to me feeling rather unmotivated about a future in the architecture profession! Which is why I'm at least taking a gap year from continuing on into Masters next year, which I don't feel any bit ready for. The glamor of architecture has been sucked out, and replaced by a rather drab view of life as a junior architect in NZ...

So what do I want out of a gap year? I mainly want to grow up. I don't mean in a serious, can't-joke-around-and-be-immature-with-the-boys kind of way. I mean in a responsible way, where I learn to take care of myself as an adult, so that I'll one day be able to take care of somebody else, and hopefully some little somebodies too! I love my family so much (although I know I fail to show it most of the time). But I've reached the point where I'm finding it hard to change because I'm so used to being cared for and being dependent on them. They say it's hardest to change with those who know you best, so one thing I really want to do is go flatting. Learn to fend for myself. Learn to cook and clean and whatever else needs doing. And to pay my way, which means I need to learn about working too. It all sounds horrible and mundane when I put it like that, but odd as it may be, I'm looking forward to these mundane tasks! These all seem crucial to life and living. I talked about it a while ago... Toiling is a part of life, but it seems it hasn't yet been a part of mine. Well it has, but I still haven't embraced it. I've been in cruise control, not engaging with the difficult road, and lately that's led me to veer all over the place. I've become a bit useless at a lot of things, so that's something I want to change. Maybe then I'll be ready to give architecture another shot.

My options, I hope, are either Bible college combined with an internship at my church, or working and then maybe some sort of exciting trip at the end of the year, like walking the length of NZ (!). Given all this thinking about toiling and growing up, the second option actually appeals quite a lot.

I was talking the other day with a good friend about having a career. I was questioning the need to have one, saying it seems limiting that everyone is supposed to have one, when God could call me to something more radical. I questioned the need to earn so much money that I'd have more than I need. I questioned the lifestyle of luxury we all enjoy. She pointed out that as a male I'm called to be a provider, capable of looking after his wife and kids and blessing them with the best life possible, and maybe even enabling her to follow God's call in perhaps more unique ways. That is of course if marriage and family is the direction I wish to take - it is. If not, no problem I think, but yes, I agree men are called to be providers. They're called to earn the bread. What about more than that? Well, I think God loves to bless us. No, there is no guarantee he will bless us in terms of wealth or relationships - things will always go wrong at some time or other; that's just a fact of living as a human on earth, and we won't be free of it until heaven. But I don't believe he is against us being blessed with more than we need. I think the importance comes in what we choose to do with that blessing - do we rely on it to keep our faith strong? Do we horde it up for ourselves and thus love ourselves more than our neighbours? Obviously not. But if we are grateful of our blessings, if we love others with what we've been given, and if we can trust in God, blessings or none, then I think having more than we need's okay. Therefore! I want to do my best in my career, whatever that may be, glorifying God in my good work; should I be blessed to become wealthy as a result, I will glorify God for his goodness to me, and I will be glad because I live in comfort with my family, who are well provided for; and I will glorify Him in the way I share what I have and bless others around me. "Of him to whom much is given, much is expected!" - Bible. (Haha terrible reference...). If however, I work my hardest yet fail to earn much moolah, I will still glorify Him because of his faithfulness and mercy to me, which is more than enough to give me lasting joy!

The other problem of having a career, and it seems to be the way with so many Christians, is you become complacent, and get into a 'the motions' type of faith, where you stop becoming led by God and just become led by the world. That seems to be a matter of personal faith and effort though I think. So I'm now for careers, but open always to God's leading and to being used by Him in all contexts.

So yeah... That's my thinking lately... I want to grow up and become a provider!

Yes it has been a while!

Hey folks! It pleased me to see 6 of you looked at my blog yesterday to see if I've done anything. Or one of you six times. Cuuuuuuuuute! Well... here's a cheeky little summink to soak up your time and make your day feel a little more full! And I bet the rain's lead so many of you to the computer huh. Did for me! It's odd: I got back from Fiordland yesterday, being the wettest part of the country by a long shot and besides a light shower down there, this is the first rain I've seen in weeks! Typical Auckland... Always welcomes me back with rain.

What was I doing in Fiordland I ask as if you were asking? Tramping! Trekking! Hiking! Walking! Take your pick. I went with the whanau plus a couple of the rents' Palmy friends for 12 days. From our base in Te Anau we did the Milford Track, Milf for short, and then the Kepler Track, both 4 day/3 night tramps, both stunning. The Milf was amazing. You catch a ferry 1 hour up to the end of Lake Te Anau (biggest lake volume-wise in NZ) so that where you start is already well and truly in the wild. You then walk up a beautiful valley besides rivers and streams for 2 days, tucked in between incredibly, impassibly steep peaks on both sides. Patches of snow still resisting summer up the top of the peaks were melting so that waterfalls were commonplace. Combine all this with sunny blue skies everyday, birds who sang and called to us constantly, and even came to check us out from time to time, and the amazing New Zealand bush, for me it was truly a picture of heaven. Only sand flies and snorers in the huts could dampen the experience a little. On the third day, a steep climb brought us up to a ridge between the two valleys we'd walk through, and the views from the top made the climb worth it. A panorama of magnificent peaks. Absolutely breath taking! Along the way I loved meeting people. It was cool how our group of 40 bonded over the trip, as we bumped into each other along the walks or prepared our meals together in the huts. Tramping's such a great way to meet interesting people. I'm so keen for more!

Kepler was quite a different track. We could start this one from our cabin in Te Anau. The first day was a climb up from Lake Te Anau through native bush to Luxmore Hut. The second day was pretty much all walking alone a thin ridge, high on the mountains looking out over Fiordland's peaks which carry on into the horizon. It was awesome seeing it from a different perspective, above the bush line. The third and fourth day were both very easy, just following rivers down relatively flat valleys. Nice just for thinking and talking and listening. That's the beauty of tamping for me - just having space to think as you walk to a nice rhythm. After 10 minutes of walking it's like you zone out and enter another world. Very ponderous. I like it. I'm seriously considering walking Te Araroa next year. That's the length of NZ walkway which they've almost finished creating. Dad reckons it'd take 6 months. I'm keen as punch. If anyone wishes to join me and anytime, anywhere, join me! Not definite yet, but seriously considering it.

Anyway, we'd all better get on with something else now. Maybe write your Christmas Wish List or something! Haha. I hope y'all are having as good holidays as I am :)