Holidays are not holidays!

My word I've been busy! It's a fun kind of busy, but nonetheless, these are hectic and time-consumed days! So hard to just catch a breath and say 'Here I am.'

I'm really looking forward to going away tomorrow. It's going to be nice to just relax at the beach for a couple of weeks with a bunch of great mates, old and new. I just hope I'll get a chance to breathe. It's quite a big group, so it'll be interesting to see how I handle it. I've often been caught up over whether I'm an extrovert or an introvert. In seventh form I wrote my creative writing piece on the different types of extroverts (maybe I'll put it up on here some time...), and I basically claimed to be all of them (all tongue-in-cheek of course). But when I told my dad about it he said he'd consider me to be an introvert! How bizarre... But I think that yes, I am a bit of a mix. Sometimes I just love being around people. I come alive when I'm in the right mood, happy to be loud and annoying with my constant calling out of quips and jokes, flirtatious (though I'm not happy being that way anymore) and fun. But I'm not that way all the time... My closer friends and certainly my family will be familiar with the quiet, perhaps reclusive Elliot. My room is definitely a well used space. I love to just sit up here, writing in my book, reading, listening to music, sorting... I think it's become a frustrating characteristic around my family, because I've become so used to completely introverting (haha I'm like a Transformer!) when I get home that they miss out on the fun Elliot, and then people who see my other side often miss my serious side (sorry, I don't mean to talk myself up or anything. Just trying to say things the way I see them). I think it's something I need to work on. A bit more consistency would be good.

So yeah, heading up north tomorrow with 20-30 others. It's going to be nuts! Great fun no doubt, but probably a bit tiring too. I'm really going to try and find some quiet time here and there I think, otherwise I may become a bit unpleasant! I really want to get some stuff out of this trip too... I'm looking forward to good discussions. Deep and meaningful ones, where I really get to know people and they get to know me. I've really come to value that in relationships this year. So important! I also want to get tight as with the Big Guy. We haven't talked long and proper in a while now, but I've somehow been hoping that plans for next year will just 'fall into place'? Na ah, I need them to be in sync with his, or there's no point in having plans! And I just want to be close with Him, because I know no better place to be. I've let other things get in the way for too long now, so I really want to remove, refresh, refuel and renew this holiday!

Wow. I'm just listening to Michelle by the Beatles on my new second hand record player and it's just beautiful! I haven't heard it since I was like 6 or 7, but the melody and it's simple lyrics have always stuck in my head... Such a joy to hear it again! Oh! And now Yesterday! This has put me in a pretty great space. Record players are so cool. It seems like there's an art to it all, the way you place the record so carefully on the turntable and then line the needle up precisely to play it correctly. It makes me want to just sit and listen and notice everything in the songs, like the soft crackling of the needle on little dust particles. So unlike my CD player which plays cleanly and mechanically through 5 CDs without me having even noticed.

Plus I'm really pretentious and indie so having a record player goes perfectly with that image I care so much about.

Merry Christmas tout le monde!

How stink am I? I was woken to breakfast in bed, and I was on the verge of being grumpy for being woken up! The breakfast was good though, and sleep returned soon after, so my extreme rage subsided. Phew!

My sisters have just started watching the Polar Express. Cute aye! (They are 19 and 16 so really it's not appropriate at all!) It's their Christmas tradition to watch this and the Grinch. I think it's great how they still get so excited about it all. Getting the Christmas tree was another big deal. I was too grinchy to take them to get it, and mum and dad were away, so in the rain they took the little car that Em's allowed to drive and came back lugging it up into the house, soaking wet but full of joy! I'm a little worried about tomorrow on the big morning... The excitement usually kills their sleep to the point that at 4 or 5am it's imperative for them to come running up to my room to get me up, in order that with our combined power we will be able to persuade mum and dad that it is time to open presents! Haha ok that was at least a couple of years ago... We usually make it to 6 eeeeasily these days!

Wow this movie's so good! I was distracted from this for like 20mins! Haha...

Jade's back on Feb 10th!!! Wooh wooh!

Mmmmmmmm I hain't got nothin' mo' to say, so I'ma cut it there... Merry Christmas y'all!

On growing up and being a provider.

I worked my last day of the year at the architecture firm I've been doing work experience for today. I was pretty stoked. It hasn't been the best of fun to be honest. It's a fairly small office of highly focused, mostly a lot older (save one) architects in which I've found it quite hard to find my feet. The work's been interesting, with lots of model making, and some designing of the kitchen and bathrooms of my parents' future house. I've also found it rather repetitive and monotonous, which combined with the minimal conversation that goes on in the office, the feeling of being rather out of my comfort zone with the quality of work expected of me, and following a rather average final year of my BAS, has all led to me feeling rather unmotivated about a future in the architecture profession! Which is why I'm at least taking a gap year from continuing on into Masters next year, which I don't feel any bit ready for. The glamor of architecture has been sucked out, and replaced by a rather drab view of life as a junior architect in NZ...

So what do I want out of a gap year? I mainly want to grow up. I don't mean in a serious, can't-joke-around-and-be-immature-with-the-boys kind of way. I mean in a responsible way, where I learn to take care of myself as an adult, so that I'll one day be able to take care of somebody else, and hopefully some little somebodies too! I love my family so much (although I know I fail to show it most of the time). But I've reached the point where I'm finding it hard to change because I'm so used to being cared for and being dependent on them. They say it's hardest to change with those who know you best, so one thing I really want to do is go flatting. Learn to fend for myself. Learn to cook and clean and whatever else needs doing. And to pay my way, which means I need to learn about working too. It all sounds horrible and mundane when I put it like that, but odd as it may be, I'm looking forward to these mundane tasks! These all seem crucial to life and living. I talked about it a while ago... Toiling is a part of life, but it seems it hasn't yet been a part of mine. Well it has, but I still haven't embraced it. I've been in cruise control, not engaging with the difficult road, and lately that's led me to veer all over the place. I've become a bit useless at a lot of things, so that's something I want to change. Maybe then I'll be ready to give architecture another shot.

My options, I hope, are either Bible college combined with an internship at my church, or working and then maybe some sort of exciting trip at the end of the year, like walking the length of NZ (!). Given all this thinking about toiling and growing up, the second option actually appeals quite a lot.

I was talking the other day with a good friend about having a career. I was questioning the need to have one, saying it seems limiting that everyone is supposed to have one, when God could call me to something more radical. I questioned the need to earn so much money that I'd have more than I need. I questioned the lifestyle of luxury we all enjoy. She pointed out that as a male I'm called to be a provider, capable of looking after his wife and kids and blessing them with the best life possible, and maybe even enabling her to follow God's call in perhaps more unique ways. That is of course if marriage and family is the direction I wish to take - it is. If not, no problem I think, but yes, I agree men are called to be providers. They're called to earn the bread. What about more than that? Well, I think God loves to bless us. No, there is no guarantee he will bless us in terms of wealth or relationships - things will always go wrong at some time or other; that's just a fact of living as a human on earth, and we won't be free of it until heaven. But I don't believe he is against us being blessed with more than we need. I think the importance comes in what we choose to do with that blessing - do we rely on it to keep our faith strong? Do we horde it up for ourselves and thus love ourselves more than our neighbours? Obviously not. But if we are grateful of our blessings, if we love others with what we've been given, and if we can trust in God, blessings or none, then I think having more than we need's okay. Therefore! I want to do my best in my career, whatever that may be, glorifying God in my good work; should I be blessed to become wealthy as a result, I will glorify God for his goodness to me, and I will be glad because I live in comfort with my family, who are well provided for; and I will glorify Him in the way I share what I have and bless others around me. "Of him to whom much is given, much is expected!" - Bible. (Haha terrible reference...). If however, I work my hardest yet fail to earn much moolah, I will still glorify Him because of his faithfulness and mercy to me, which is more than enough to give me lasting joy!

The other problem of having a career, and it seems to be the way with so many Christians, is you become complacent, and get into a 'the motions' type of faith, where you stop becoming led by God and just become led by the world. That seems to be a matter of personal faith and effort though I think. So I'm now for careers, but open always to God's leading and to being used by Him in all contexts.

So yeah... That's my thinking lately... I want to grow up and become a provider!

Yes it has been a while!

Hey folks! It pleased me to see 6 of you looked at my blog yesterday to see if I've done anything. Or one of you six times. Cuuuuuuuuute! Well... here's a cheeky little summink to soak up your time and make your day feel a little more full! And I bet the rain's lead so many of you to the computer huh. Did for me! It's odd: I got back from Fiordland yesterday, being the wettest part of the country by a long shot and besides a light shower down there, this is the first rain I've seen in weeks! Typical Auckland... Always welcomes me back with rain.

What was I doing in Fiordland I ask as if you were asking? Tramping! Trekking! Hiking! Walking! Take your pick. I went with the whanau plus a couple of the rents' Palmy friends for 12 days. From our base in Te Anau we did the Milford Track, Milf for short, and then the Kepler Track, both 4 day/3 night tramps, both stunning. The Milf was amazing. You catch a ferry 1 hour up to the end of Lake Te Anau (biggest lake volume-wise in NZ) so that where you start is already well and truly in the wild. You then walk up a beautiful valley besides rivers and streams for 2 days, tucked in between incredibly, impassibly steep peaks on both sides. Patches of snow still resisting summer up the top of the peaks were melting so that waterfalls were commonplace. Combine all this with sunny blue skies everyday, birds who sang and called to us constantly, and even came to check us out from time to time, and the amazing New Zealand bush, for me it was truly a picture of heaven. Only sand flies and snorers in the huts could dampen the experience a little. On the third day, a steep climb brought us up to a ridge between the two valleys we'd walk through, and the views from the top made the climb worth it. A panorama of magnificent peaks. Absolutely breath taking! Along the way I loved meeting people. It was cool how our group of 40 bonded over the trip, as we bumped into each other along the walks or prepared our meals together in the huts. Tramping's such a great way to meet interesting people. I'm so keen for more!

Kepler was quite a different track. We could start this one from our cabin in Te Anau. The first day was a climb up from Lake Te Anau through native bush to Luxmore Hut. The second day was pretty much all walking alone a thin ridge, high on the mountains looking out over Fiordland's peaks which carry on into the horizon. It was awesome seeing it from a different perspective, above the bush line. The third and fourth day were both very easy, just following rivers down relatively flat valleys. Nice just for thinking and talking and listening. That's the beauty of tamping for me - just having space to think as you walk to a nice rhythm. After 10 minutes of walking it's like you zone out and enter another world. Very ponderous. I like it. I'm seriously considering walking Te Araroa next year. That's the length of NZ walkway which they've almost finished creating. Dad reckons it'd take 6 months. I'm keen as punch. If anyone wishes to join me and anytime, anywhere, join me! Not definite yet, but seriously considering it.

Anyway, we'd all better get on with something else now. Maybe write your Christmas Wish List or something! Haha. I hope y'all are having as good holidays as I am :)

This one's pretty long so I won't be offended if you don't read all of it.

I'm sleeping in a sleeping bag for the third night in a row. The night before these three I just wrapped the uncovered duvet around me! There's something about putting new sheets and stuff on that I just find too tedious and easy to avoid...

I need my Jade back!

If I haven't told you the story before, here it is. So it was the same situation... My sheets had been removed, but putting the new bedding on was too much of a task so I just left it. J dog knew the sitch and thought I was pathetic as you'd expect. Then one day she was round and I was lying slovenly-like on the couch and I called out to her to ask her to fix my bed. Next minute, Jade walks up past the lounge to my bedroom, a new set of bedding in her hands.

What a saint aye! Yeah she's tops.

Your tops Jade. I know you read this. My stats show readings from Columbia, so you're pretty well caught. Kudos buddy. Now come home!

---------------

So today I was having a fairly melancholic day. I was quiet, listening to my 108 Radiohead songs, working my 3rd 8 1/2hr shift of the week just making the same model, reading Ecclesiastes (a book in the Bible that repeatedly tells me things are meaningless), as well as a book which tells me how broken I am, along with the rest of this world...

It was nice though. I find there's some joy to be had in melancholy. Just being pensive and thinking about things. I like doing that from time to time.

I love how people get a shock that I can listen to such 'depressing' music yet always be so joyful and energetic. No, I'm not always that way, but I am a lot of the time. I guess I'm usually pretty stoked with life.

-------------

The joyful melancholy turned to genuine guttedness when I saw the news at 5 though. 29 men lost to families and communities that need them... I walked home a bit on the brink. It actually felt good that I was feeling that way about something that wouldn't normally have bothered me too much. But man... So so sad. Confusing too. So many people (hundreds of thousands I reckon, maybe even millions) were praying for those men and the rescuers; praying for a miracle. But things only got worse... The camera broke down... The hole took a long time to drill... Their was a second unsurvivable blast... Sometimes you can't help but question God and ask him what he's doing. Of course I don't blame him for what happened. We live in a broken world where tragedy is a part of life. It won't be in heaven which is a relief. But here it's just pain after pain sometimes... Sometimes I find myself questioning God's fairness, but then I'm reminded of Job: everything went wrong for him as the devil made many terrible things happen to him, and when Job asked God why he hadn't rescued his humble servant, God basically said 'Who am I? What have I done? Yeah, that's right. I'm God. Don't forget it.' God's God. Who are we to understand his decisions. We're just humans who can't even add a day to our lives. It's not my place to judge my creator. I just have to trust him, and sometimes accept things that are hard to accept.

This is a more funny post. That's if you find it more funny.

"You know on TV, when they have a fishing show on TV, they catch the fish, but they let it go. They don't wanna eat the fish, but they do wanna make it late for something...

'Where were ya?'

'I got caught!'

'Liar. Let me see your lip.'"

(C) Mitch Hedberg.

R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg.

Well that ruined the joke didn't it. "Hey remember that great joke by Mitch Hedberg?" "Yeah, isn't he dead?"

But maaaannnn. Funny stuff. I just got it off Jordan and put it on my iPod. That's an awkward place to have comedy stored. The only places I normally listen to my iPod are when I'm alone on the bus or at work, and you do not want to be seen laughing by yourself. And then you hear the laughter of the audience so you get sucked into thinking everyone around you's finding it funny too, but they're just finding you funny, which is not a good way to be funny. You don't want to be found funny.

I saw a blind man on my bus earlier this year listening to his iPod. He was cracking up just like I was scared of. And then you could tell he was kind of looking around to see if people were noticing. But he couldn't look or listen. Maybe he was smelling.

Listening to Mitch makes me wish I could just speak in hilarious one liners. People would find talking with me such a risk. One minute we could be having a normal conversation, then they add on another normal bit of the conversation, and then I'd flip it on them! Mitch style. I hope he wasn't different from his stage persona.

Here he is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6xaj2fC1jI&feature=related

Katie Ward how do I make that work?

I'm a coward.

Seriously. Over consumption is a major problem. I'm sorry for making light of it on Thursday. It is funny though how some people get way too carried away with the doom messages, and so the result is that it just puts people off and they choose not to care.

It's the same with Christianity a lot of the time. People on street corners, and "hardcore" evangelists go preaching in peoples' faces, and more often than not it just puts people off! And then because of them and how most people shut themselves off from listening to people talking to them about religion, the Christians who are genuine about sharing their faith find it hard to do so with their friends because they get scared they'll offend them, and so the good news hardly ever gets told! And I really do believe it's good news - have you got anything better to offer me than an eternal relationship with the God who created me and loves me more than anything?

Didn't think so.

Maybe my talking about it in my blog where you can read it safely at home will make you start thinking about it if you haven't already. I hope so!

I'm sorry I'm such a wuss about sharing my faith face to face. It's such a hard balance, trying to model my faith by my actions, and venturing beyond that to talk about it with people. I pretty much never do the latter. Why? Well, as I mentioned, I don't want to be one of those in-your-face people who don't seem to know the first thing about you. For them it seems it's just a game. Perhaps they think they'll be rewarded because they talked about God heaps in public? I don't want to be like that. But the main reason is... I'm scared. My faith is something I could get rejected over! If I were to start talking about it with people, I might lose my prized place as 'the funny guy', 'the cool guy' (ok, I didn't have that place)... or even just being a normal friend. I might lose credibility because of it.

But maybe it's something I need to lose credibility over? Maybe you need to hear abut it?

Scratch that. YOU NEED TO HEAR ABOUT IT. It's the only thing you need to hear about. What else really matters? Your job? Your iPhone? Your OE? Your girlfriend? Your mum? Where will they all be in 100 years? Where will you be? Gone. Gone where?

I'm a bit of a hog with my faith really. It's completely unfair how selfish I am, giving you just the surface-deep me when inside and in my church and with my Christian friends we're singing praise to Jesus and we have the most fulfilling relationships with each other and with God. We're actually talking to the guy who created us, and he's talking back. The dude who made all the stars and this great planet and matter (and maybe even anti-matter!) and molecules. The one who angels are afraid to look at - and consider that we're afraid just to look at them! Yeah I know him, and I'm getting to know him better everyday. He's with me when life's good. He's with me when it's bad too. Even when it's just average.

If I had nothing. No food. No friends. No family. No nothin'. Even then, I'd still have him, and that'd be more than enough.

But I'm too scared to tell you.

I'm sorry for being pathetic. Maybe you're glad I am? The devil probably is (yes, he exists too.) Maybe you're gutted and wish I'd told you? Maybe you don't care and stopped reading as soon as you saw this one was a more serious post. Well I'm sorry for that too!

If you want to know, just ask. Maybe that'd be scary? It'd be scary for me! I don't have a lot of answers. I have the basics though.

Please. Get convinced about what you think about God and faith and life and death. Open yourself up to Him. Tell Him you want to know Him if he's there. If he's not, well you opened yourself up to nothing, but now you're convinced so what was the harm? Nothing! But do it. Eternity's a flipping long time to waste.

To do list job #1

I enjoy writing To Do lists quite a lot. And lists in general. They make me feel organised. An efficient human, on top of everything. Of course I never complete the list. Just like the goals I spend a couple of days fantasising about and writing at the start of each year. I hardly achieve any of them. But maaaaaan it's fun to write them. The Christmas/Birthday Wishlist is always an exciting one. Looking forward to that boyyyyyyyyy am I!

So lately I've been thinking a tad about food and how I tend to over-consume it. I eat far more than I need to. I'm pretty sure most of us do. You know, the 'hmm what should I do?' eating. I do that a lot. But remembering back to my architecture degree... ah back in the day that was... I remember hearing in a lecture on sustainability that the western world consumes more than the earth is capable of producing, and that it's only because of the third world and their massive under-eating that our ship hasn't yet sunk! But apparently India and China (like a third of the world's population or something ridiculous like that) are developing and so they're consuming more and have developed a taste for meat which they didn't used to have and meat is one of the biggest planet wasters in terms of food because animals eat heeeeaps of stuff to produce that meat which we eat so if those two countries develop fully then we'll all be wasteful meat eaters and the earth will be like 'woah! I can't feed you all!' and then we'll run out and booooooom! Freaked out? I am! As I was typing that sentence I started typing faster and faster trying to keep up with all the thoughts like aliens attacking and meteors hitting as a result of MY overeating. AND YOURS! The ****'s going to hit the fan kids. What's ****? Heat? Flip. Global warming too!

Have you noticed the modern trend to write short sentences? I'm sure I've mentioned it before. It's still interesting though. I read 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy a while back and he loves the short sentence. Full stop. Technique. No commas. Some of his sentences. Don't even ma. Ke sense. . Did anyone else like it when Kirk's kepboard's space bar ('space bar' makes me think of some cool candy bar) wasn't working and he had.to.type.like.this? I did. But I didn't click 'like'. Too pretentious. He must've had some foor stuck in it. Some foor stuck in the kepboard.

Jordan Bond.

Hopefully that little interlude distracted you from the reason you were panicking and weeing your pants: earth is doommmmmed! BECAUSE OF YOU. The other night at Home Group Dan said he needed help with his pride. We helped him. Boy howdy did we!

"LUST!"

"Jesus died on the cross. And it was YOUR fault!"

Flip we're terrible mockers. It was funny though. Everyone chipped in. Helpful people we are.

------------------

Let's get spiritual.

So I found this verse the other day as I was thinking how I over-consume.

Proverbs 30:8-9.

"Keep falsehood and lies far from me;

give me neither poverty nor riches,

but give me only my daily bread.

Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you

and say, 'Who is the Lord?'

Or I may become poor and steal,

and so dishonour the name of my Lord."

So jogs! What a great piece of Scripture!

YUS! Just popped a satisfying pimple.

Yeah that Scripture's awesome! Agur wrote it. Don't give me too much, or not enough. Just enough's all I need.

And a lot of God. I need heaps and heaps of him. Oodles.

Have a wonderful evening people

It may be your last DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAAA!

But seriously? Had you considered that? We're not invincible you know...

Get that into ya!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgOyTNtsWyY&feature=player_embedded

I just watched this off my friend's blog. I posted it on my Facebook, then watched it again and had to stifle back that tearful joy I get from watching things like this.

This is another that I watched a couple of years ago and actually had a few tears in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRHxHapwirw

I don't cry a lot, but when I see things like this, where people do such extreme things to celebrate and bring joy to people who normally wouldn't experience it, I go a bit guppy. So much kindness and love!

I find these things so inspiring. They make me want to go out of my way to bring joy to other peoples' lives too! Imagine a world where people were constantly doing things like this! Heaven perhaps? Keen for heaven then. On earth. This is God's reality, not hyperreality. It's better than a nice car or a trip to some exotic place or a good job or a one night stand. It's love.

Guppy aye.

Thinkful thoughts

So I finished my degree last Friday.

Cool eh? I think so. 3 years of architecture finito. Makes me feel a bit old I suppose, considering Sophie's only just starting 7th form next year and so many of my friends are only just starting uni. I suppose I should feel equipped too, but I don't! Design me a house Elliot. Honestly, I don't think I could yet... I guess that's why there's still two years of masters to do, and then 3 years of getting registered. When to do it. Ay, there's the rub (can Shakespeare get more out of context?).

GAP

year. Pretty keen! But what to dooo? Bible college? Could be cool. Quench that passion that's been welling up inside me lately, then get back to architecture. Can it be quenched or will it take over? Pastor Elliot? Haha not at this age buddy. Get wise first.

Maybe work and then travel? Could do... Don't really have the travel bug at this stage though. Spain killed it off for a while. Maybe a combo of work, Bible college aaaaaand travel?

So many options! And of course just going back to architecture straight away? Not half hearted though. So not at this stage.

Today I saw a guy I respect a lot and tend to think of as quite manly and solid go completely gaga over his baby daughter. It was so great to see. Such unadulterated love for her. Such joy. I definitely want to be a dad like that. Too proud and in love to care if I should be embarrassed or not.

Last night me and my closest mates sat and lay on a water tank in the countryside, just chatting and singing worship songs for an hour. The stars were so bright. Shooting stars too! Look up look up look up look up into the sky love! We see that moon shining so high up above us! And such good company. Pure, honest conversation. Then just singing together. You can't top it. I wish everyone could start experiencing relationships like these. These are the ones we were created for, not the shallow pretentious ones that I so often see. Unselfish relationships are so important.

It's funny (the odd funny, not like HAHA! That's FUNNY!), when I was doing my uni work I felt so busy and like I had no time to myself, but since I've finished it's been non-stop. I've been out socialising or working at the cafe everyday, hardly at home at all, and I feel I've hardly had a chance to stop and breathe. Life can become cluttered when you don't have a rhythm to adhere to. All the beats topple over one another and you can lose your place. Tomorrow I'm resetting the metronome. I'll just chill with a book and my thoughts and God. We'll have a good catch up. Sorry, not inviting you.

My new friends

Thanks Borders for your 4 for $30 sale on CDs. You've now made it near impossible to ever get through, let alone get to know my music collections, on top of the 2,500 songs I got off Katie last week...

I am second

Just had Fuel (my youth group). Was saweet. Dan ran it and he played a few 'I Am Second' clips including this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOeruTrdF1Q

They are so cool. I've been getting so focused on what God's leading me to do, and on the seriousness of life, but these reminded what it is to simply love and be loved by God. Such a peace!

I can't wait to date him next week when holidays start!

Uncoiling toiling

So I have my 'Far Too Easily Distracted Essay Writer's hat on again... Fortunately the internet has been refusing to let me back on for the last few hours. Sometimes I wonder if that's God saying in a very nasal voice and with head tilted back in a superior position, "Noooooooo, do some more work. Not letting you..." If he is, I'm appreciative, as much of a pain as it is. I really do suck at toiling, but lately I've come to see how important toiling is. I'm not talking the fun fishing toiling where it's a satisfying battle. I'm talking about the daily toiling of doing work, even when it's incredibly dull. Proverbs 21:17a says "He who loves pleasure will become poor." I don't think that's saying you should hate fun and pleasure - clearly we are made to enjoy it. I think it's saying if pleasure and fun are what you're all about; if you live for nothing more than to have fun, then you're not going to get very far. In such a pleasure driven society it's easy to do. Society tells us that if we aren't having the best time ever in our jobs; if we lose that passion in our relationship; if we're not living lives as exciting as the ones we see on TV, we should move on, because a live full of fun and pleasure will come with that exciting new job, with that sexy person on the side and by doing whatever we want is a good life and will make us happy. The reality is, yes. They will give us pleasure. We will feel fulfilled. The excitement will make us happy and life will be good.

But it won't last. It never does. I heard recently about the 'Eat, Pray, Love' novel. Clearly it was a hit. It told people everything they wanted to hear: that if you chase those dreams of an exciting, pleasure-filled life, you'll find real happiness and life will be great. The main lady of the story (forgive me if I get this wrong, I haven't read it myself) ditches her husband and family to travel and make her life exciting and fulfilling. On her travels she indulges in a variety of different experiences, and eventually she meets a foreign hottie and falls in love with him. The story ends and everyone loves it: a fantastic life full of rich experiences and excitement is possible! The author releases the sequel: she finds the foreign hottie isn't all she thought he would be, and that her new live has really equated to nothing. She returns home to try and recapture her old life, which at the time she thought was boring, but now sees it as stable and lasting. She is made to deal with the consequences. This is my talk on hyperreality by the way. The dreams and falsities she was chasing: the hyperreality we all at some point desire and strive for. It's modern religion. We've come to expect more than what the world really offers us. It's better than the real thing! It's not the real thing though. It won't last, just like it didn't for that lady, and just like it didn't or won't for you.

I want to toil more; to live a life that recognises there are consequences to how we do things. I don't want to seek pleasure for the purpose of finding meaning. Yes, I enjoy pleasure, but I won't become about those things. I'll never find my meaning in them. That can only be found in a relationship with Jesus - he'll last. Forever. How will pleasure and fun last when life turns to crud? As for me, my pleasure is found in Christ alone. He won't fail me.

Deep aye! Haha. It's pretty much all from Mark Sayers' book 'The Trouble With Paris.' Thoughts if you have them...

Thoughts on blogging

So I got a bit bored with that 'series' I was planning on to be honest. In the end it just seemed pretty obvious to me: sharing all the personal, deep stuff - the trials and tribulations, and the successes and glories I think is usually best kept for close friendships, where there is a good amount of trust and understanding, and where the people won't judge you for what you share. Online, if we're sharing publicly about our failures and our successes, I'm not sure that it's always such a good thing. ie. If I were to share all my struggles and things that keep tripping me up in my walk with God, I can see that would have a negative effect on how people see me, and they could potentially look down on me because of the things they read. Then there's the other side of it, where I share all my successes and the glorious highs: if I only share them, that also gives people a bad perspective, and I can make people think I'm better than I am. Thus, it seems a pretty hard balance, and no longer so obvious. Do we share a lot about both ends of this scale, or only share very little? Online, I tend to think it should be only a little, as I notice people tend to form judgments from what they read. But then what is the point of having a blog if I choose not to share things like that? Oh I'm rather confused now...

It seems my friends tend more to blog about things they observe than about themselves. I like that, because it makes you think about those things too. They are unselfish and often interesting. That's cool, because understanding people by what they say about themselves in a blog isn't very good. Therefore, my blog shall do the same! Yay! I feel like I understand more about blogging (see! I told you I think by writing! You're lucky - you get to see me thinking here :D). If you have any thoughts on this subject, I'd love to hear them!

I got poked by four guys and giggled

That's a Facebook reference by the way. Just had to clear that one up. Never know who might be reading this... It's a scary thing blogging aye! I've always been one for pretty much full disclosure. Never really saw the point in hiding things (unpretentious aye!), but the last couple of days as I've been blogging and thinking about blogging (it's heinously obsessive isn't it?), I've been considering a bit about what's appropriate to share online and what's not.

For starters, there's sharing just the normal stuff. Should I be telling people what I've been doing everyday? I certainly don't think I should be telling people I just brushed my teeth, or what I've had for breakfast, because how is that really going to help anyone? Doing that will just lead to people thinking I'm a waste of time. I got into Twitter a while ago because I felt like it was good for making me do things so that I always had some interesting activity to post about. But when I thought about it, I think that's a pretty bad mentality: simply finding value in my life by all the cool things I do. There's so much more to it than that! Yes, I believe it's good to be active and doing things, but modern society seems to now limit people to their achievements. Success is measured by how many runs you went for this week, or how well you did in your exams; if you're busy and doing lots of different things, you're doing well. It's all about the outside stuff. People seem to have forgotten the value of what's inside someone - their character. Sharing about the things you've done can perhaps help people to understand your character, but if that's all you post about and if you do it too much, people will think you're just those things. Often people, including myself, wish the Bible would tell us more about what Jesus did in the day-to-day scene. How well did he eat? How much did he give? Was he good at his job? I think it doesn't tell us because they don't matter. Jesus valued things completely different to what society valued, then and now. He looked at the heart, at what was driving the actions. 1 Samuel 16:7b "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." How do you find out what's going on in people's hearts? You talk to them! Assessing them purely on what they've achieved might hint at it, but I don't think it will tell us enough. If your thoughts on a person's character are based on their Facebook page, that's not a very valuable perspective to have, as it's a place they control. It's a place for them to advertise themselves to you. But you won't know their character from it. It can be a good thing for just updating friends on what you've been doing, but it can also be what people will solely judge you on, or you will judge other people on. Am I letting people know my values online, or am I fitting into the mold of an exterior-success driven society?

So that's my thoughts on sharing the day-to-day stuff online. But what about the deeper, more personal stuff? That can wait for my next post.

Witticism

That word's been in my head all day. Finally got it out PHEW! Like one of those annoying songs. Except let's be honest, it is a pretty swell word.

I had writer's block so I've come here to write. And also...

Yes, the essay continues. Word count is right up there now, and of the good kind too! The good legit my own words kind. Still plenty to do but it's coming on quite nicely. It's about the Säynätsalo Town Hall by the Finnish architect Alvar Aalto if you wanted to know. Ok, you didn't. It's pretty ait though. Pretty inspiring I suppose. His stuff wasn't just about functioning well, but heaps to do with psychology too, like making buildings you enjoy being in. I like that a lot. They were even almost political, like he could put across his points of view through his architecture! Powerful aye! But not many people recognised what he was trying to do (I guess he was pretty indie) in his time so he got fed up and said architecture can't change the world and died, but then after his death peeps were like 'Woah! This guy was saying something!' Guts aye. But cool because now I'm one of those people. Makes me want to keep doing architecture really. Agh the agony of modern day choice: do I ditch it for Bible college? Do I do something completely different? Do I just blog fulltime? Do I shave? etc. Flip! I'm scared my wanting to go to Bible college next year is just because of hyperreality telling me I've got to do something different all the time to have a fulfilling life. There's that word again! Hyperreality... I'll save it for another blog. It'll be intense.

We got a new child to sponsor the other day. Her name's Gudiya and she lives in Nawada, India. Apparently our old one just moved somewhere for better opportunity. Hope so! As I was pondering our sponsored kids, I wondered if they have heard of, or maybe even have Facebook! (Clearly I'm in the zone with essay writing huh!) But imagine that! If they did, besides the language barriers it would be so much easier to become mates and really help them out and be involved. Would it? I guess I take for granted what a privilege it is to have a Facebook - it's such a great communication tool. But then like most things that are privileges, I tend to waste it, overuse it so that it goes from being tool to being vice. All day blogging and Facebooking have been going through my mind. Seems a bit unhealthy huh... In moderation Elliot! Good point, now end it before it becomes immoderate. You too Mr/Mrs/Miss/Ms Reader! Get outside and play! (When it gets light...)

I blog at terrible moments

So I have a 100% 2000 word A1 essay poster thingy for my ArchGen paper due on Friday for which I have now written 10,768 words of research (not one of those words are my own), and of the actual essay I've written 0 words. So not going smashingly to be fair, and I got a bit bored (anyone would if they'd just got home from a great night at youth group 30mins ago like I did and had to continue researching!) so I figured, HEY! Time to update the blog.

I nearly left a smiley face there. It felt an incorrect thing to do on a blog though.

A correct thing to do, I've noticed is to write short paragraphs. That's why the last one was very short. Helps to keep your attention I think. Possibly.

It seems a bit pretentious though... That's something I aim not to be, as I'm trying to make Katie Ward (OI LUV 'ER!), among others see. (That's a little joke, or quip if you may. I know they don't ACTUALLY think I'm pretentious. Or DO they? *shifty eyes* <-- can you do that in blogs? Can you do arrows like that in blogs? This is quite exciting to be honest. Someone's going to have to teach me the ropes about blogging! Or perhaps they shouldn't, because then I can have a really indie blog that's completely original. Yay! Should probably close these brackets.). There. Is having a blog pretentious? I suppose it could be. Depends on the motive really. Personally I just really enjoy writing and having fun distractions. I don't really mind if anyone reads this or not. (Thanks if you are! I hope you're enjoying yourself. I am!). I write quite a lot. I write all my prayers. I used to get scared that doing that would mean I'm just forcing it all and not really able to talk to God, and yes, to be fair, for a while it was a bit that way, but I think as I've persisted with it it has really become a relationship and he is responding to me. It's so cool! I just start out writing my thanks and praise and then as I think about stuff and write he leads my thoughts to things that I guess are pretty important

(new paragraph) and then I'll start writing questions and praying about it and then as I ponder these things he leads me to answers a lot of the time! Truly it's quite awesome. I'm grateful as. Then I read the Bible and it's like he's writing back to me. Sometimes related to what I've been talking to him about, sometimes completely different but pretty much always like 'Woah! I totally haven't considered that before or lately!' God's awesome. He's the only one deserving of that word. Awe-some. Awelots I reckon!

I also write heaps in architecture. Just ask any of my archi friends! Perhaps you don't know any of them... Do some Facebook stalking, you'll find them ;) <-- HA! Take that blogging etiquette! I winked. It's weird though because I didn't actually wink... Pretentious aye! Yeah, I write heaps in architecture, like possibly even more than drawing (I do a fair bit of that too). I love researching and writing stuff out. It's how I learn. Actually, it's really dumb because I always end up writing too much (heck, I've probably lost almost everyone (if anyone started) by now because of the excessive writing!), and so I study badly and write essays badly (I've got to cut down from the 10,768 words to just 2000, but actually way less than that because they're all quotes!). Yeesh!

What did you think about my title? Misleading aye! Like you might've read it thinking something terrible had happened to me, but I was just saying I have a bit of pressure with architecture assignments. Reminds me of the Next magazine cover. The main article's about Brooke Fraser (SWOON!) and the caption by her photo says 'Marriage, Separation and Something Else' (didn't actually say that, I just don't remember the last bit), so I opened it up quick-snap! because I was like Guts! Brooke's got a divorce! But it was nothing to do with divorce!!! (Did you like the three exclamation marks Jordan? Oh. You stopped reading.) It was just about how great her married life is and

how she's been separated from her old life living at home because she's always touring, which she enjoys! Ridiculous aye! I KNOW! Blimmin hyperreality... Hyper-what you say? Great question. Hold it. I'll tell you next time. Or another time. Time's a-runnin. Cheeky time...

*Enter cool sign out like Bernie Cowan's tonight on the video at Windsor Live (trololol.)

Heavy Blogging Ahead

Only two days until I finish this sucker of a design assignment (it's pretty much the biggest leech I've ever had to deal with...), then I'm free (besides two casual 100% assignments for ArchGen and ArchHTC but let's be honest, I'm sick of being concerned about my uni work...) ... to get blogging! Reading Katie and Jordans' blogs these last couple of days has been really fun and made me want to do my own. Properly. Like with the cool background, and daily posts, and a good mix of everything like music, musings, videos, design and architecture stuff, things I've done and regularly... It'll be an online scrapbook for me to unleash my creative soul! I can't wait! I just can't wait to do something different to design. And to sleep. Sleeping is definitely going to be high on the agenda for the next year after the couple of weeks I've just been through. 4hrs then 5 then 7 then 2 then 4 just doesn't cut it. I'm almost falling asleep just writing this and it's only 11! It's gonna be a real mish to push through to two as planned... Yikes! Anyway... that's a good enough intro into my blogging days. Back to the slow drain of design... Actually... I'm pretty destroyed... I think I'll sleep then aim for a 5am wake up. Man the body clock is screwed! Last night I stayed up until just after 5! Trololol. Night world! A.k.a. Elliot, to himself.