Slobbin

I've been having some nice chill time this last half hour, just lying on my recently made bed in my recently tidied room after a recently finished day of working and errand running. Ryan's been turned up to a good volume; we are becoming well acquainted, I with he. It's the first time I've kicked up my feet like this in far too long, and ho dang I am keen for summore o' dis! On the last essay now, then the filling out of summer dreams shall commence! For now, I reckon I'll let these feet remain kicked up a while longer.

Sacraments according to Thomas Aquinas

I think this writing by Thomas Aquinas gives a clear understanding of why we use sacraments in church:

‘Since it is connatural to a human person to acquire knowledge through the senses, and since it is most difficult to arise above sensible things, divine providence has appointed sensible things as a reminder to the human of things divine, so that human intention might the more readily be recalled to divine things, not excluding the one whose mind is not equal to the contemplation of divine things in themselves.... Again, sensible things are employed for human sanctification, in the shape of washing, anointings, meat and drink, and the uttering of sensible words, as signifying to the human that one receives intelligible gifts from an external source, and from God whose name is expressed by sensible words. Moreover a human performs certain sensible actions, not to arouse God, but to arouse oneself to things divine: such as prostrations, genuflexions, raising of the voice and singing. Such things are not done as though God needed them ... but we do them for our own sake, that by them our intention may be fixed on God, and our hearts inflamed.’

Summa contra Gentiles, III 119

Tele Nostalgia

Dan Ward, Jade and I watched the first few episodes of this into the early hours the other day. It was great fun. This theme song is so great. I'm pretty sure it was only this that kept me hooked for four episodes in a row. It brought back memories of when my group at school was addicted to the show, to the point that Logan, Rich and I watched it together because the girls were having their own exclusive screening. We even had home made scones that night! In my defence, I'm fairly sure that was the only episode I ever watched! Surely it's indie to watch it now.

Lana Del Ray, Video Games

Empty Space

I just read this:

‘Empty space tends to create fear. As long as our minds, hearts and hands are occupied we can avoid confronting the painful questions, to which we never give much attention and which we do not want to surface. ‘Being busy’ has become a status symbol, and most people keep encouraging each other to keep their body and mind in constant motion’ (Henri J. B. Nouwen, Reaching Out, 70).

That was written at the start of the 80s, prior to texting and social media. How much more true would this be today? Certainly I identify strongly with it. Clutter tends to dominate my world. I want to start creating empty space for myself, time just to enjoy solitude, reflecting, pondering, resting. 

I went for an hour long walk last night, fairly aimlessly to the beach. It was so great, in the dark, overcast and spitting a little, and hardly a soul on the road, just scuffing along the roads themselves, musing to myself and having a little God-time. I'm so glad of the time and space to do that! It wasn't really lonely or depressing at all, just peaceful, and a good reminder of God's perspective. Even though at times things are confusing and I have no idea what the point is, and difficult things like that can be on my mind, bogging me down, it's good to feel comfortable amidst it all. Having space brings these things to the surface, but as I hold them before God I get the peace and trust that God is good and he loves me. Verrrry encouraging!

Into Action

Aghhhh far too many distractions and things to do! My bookshelf is more a burden than a delight with its far too many unread books... My sax, guitar and clarinet are gaining weight in dust... My body and hockey skills are demanding more attention always... My Twitter and Facebook and friends' blogs want reading, my room and house want cleaning, hair wants cutting, sketch book wants sketches drawn, journal wants writing, youth group wants leading, budget and organiser want work done (as does my mum's design business), friends and sponsored child want letters sent and emails replied to, my trip to India wants planning, family, flatmates and friends want attention... You get the idea! And I want to do it all, but I don't know where to begin. It all excites me heaps (some things more than others of course), but I don't know where to start! I literally have piles of things to do, and I love the thought of getting into it all. Maybe this blog will be the trigger, the thing to set me in motion to start ticking boxes! But some of these boxes can't just be ticked... Practice makes perfect, but so many of these things require that! Perhaps some boxes with their tasks must simply be removed... Priorities must be set! I'm going to try prioritising where I spend my time, with whom, on what. Organisation to achieve efficiency. But it must all be with love. Love must be at the core, otherwise it simply becomes cold, organised efficiency. A bit like spiritual disciplines I think. Without the 'spiritual' it's just a discipline, and that won't achieve nothin' other than a false and orderly faith. Passionless. But without the discipline it just doesn't happen. Ok, here comes an attempt at a go-getting, organised and hard-working Elliot, who can still remain free, spontaneous and loving. Fully engaged, enthralled, enjoying.

Some Jill Rice wisdom

This is my mum's response to my previous blog post. She's so wise and thoughtful. This helped me heaps, some good stuff for me and hopefully y'all to think about regarding living life - together! Not solo.

28/06/2011

Dear Elliot

Found your latest blog post. Made me cry! If I am allowed to comment, this is what I would like to say.

Bud, I applaud your honesty. It’s good to own those feelings, but not to wallow in them. They are very real.

Yes, I think we are made for co-dependency. I don’t think we are meant to go solo. God our father is the 3 in one, and we are made in his likeness, to be like him. God is also not separate from humanity – he is very much in it. I think our trust in God and love for God is shown in our love and trust of those around us.

He said, whatever you do for the least of these you do for me, whoever welcomes one of these little children welcomes me (Mark 9:36), whoever receives you receives me, he who receives me receives the one who sent me (Matt 10:40), the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me (Rom 15:3) etc etc – we’re all together in this. It’s not just about you and God, it’s about us, because God is in us. We are interconnected. Where 2 or 3 come together in my name there I am with them (Matt 18:19). When you hurt, we hurt (1 Cor 12:26) etc etc. We are not islands, but more like an archipelago (!), together, with God, through each other.

No human relationship is going to completely fulfil and yet somehow that is God’s plan – that we are completed by each other. As we fail each other and then reach out again and forgive and trust each other again, in this way we are God to each other. God uses the imperfect to show himself to us, the weak to shame the wise, the last to be first etc etc. We recognise our frailty and in so doing, through faith we are made strong.

Jesus also felt lonely, and let down, by God his father, and by those around him, in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matt 20:36).... And yet he also kept trusting, not just in God directly, but in his human friends – kept relying on them to be there for him, to help him do his work and to spread his message - to love him. I love that he told Peter, after he had let him down 3 times, that “on this rock will build my church”.

So yeah, I think God is reaching out to us all the time, through e-mails, texts, phone calls, facebook, blogs, invitations of various kinds, and we do have the choice all the time, to respond or to reject. I think the answer to loneliness is to keep on choosing to do the former. And yes, that is an action.

I love you so much. Thanks for trusting us with your deepest, most personal thoughts. God bless.

Mum

Preach it mum. Love you too :)

The latest...

I haven't posted in a while. I don't think I've had much to post about really. I got to that place where I realised I was desperately lonely and everything felt meaningless, and finally I understood, felt just how badly I needed God. But that's how things kind of remained, and to an extent, still remain. I got really excited about my newfound hope, which I was anxious to see fulfilled. But for some reason I didn't really act upon it. I knew I needed to seek God above all else, because that was all that mattered, but the action didn't seem to come. Perhaps I have been unsure about that need for action, when I hear so often that it's not about us reaching God, but God reaching us. People tell me I need to just stop and let God do the moving. But isn't stopping an action? So for a while I didn't even take that step just to stop and wait on God. I've been doing it more lately, spending more time in the Word seeking there, as well as just reflecting, be it writing in my journal or going for walks. Let's be honest, I've only been for one. So it's still not enough. But what is 'enough'? It would be nice to have a set of instructions that would lead me to God and the intimacy of a relationship where he knows all about me. I somehow don't think that's how it works though... It seems I've just got to get totally confused and lost to the point of giving up, and in the murk of that situation I've just got to reach out for God's hand, trust it's God's hand and grip it with all my strength. So that's where I'm at. Still thirsty, still unquenched. However, I still trust and still have complete faith and hope that God will relieve all this. I trust and claim to know the Holy Spirit is with me, and I'm learning to recognise that. I trust I will come to know God by his Holy Spirit, and that I will know his presence beyond mere trust to something tangible and undeniable. It will be a relationship where I actually recognise I am being lead and called to things, and where my response must be to obey, or reject. For now though it seems I'm just stuck trusting and believing, and I find that to be tough.

With all that on my mind, the rest of life seems to get a tad hazy, especially given I've been sick with flu these last couple of weeks, so quite drowsy, plus my usual busyness of work, church, youth group, life groups, parties and hockey... I'm starting to get a bit of direction though as I pursue my recently discovered desire to study at Bible college. Checking out papers and enrolling is getting me pretty excited. I can't wait to study again, to research and borrow library books and have good discussions about ideas. Academics seems an extremely pleasurable thing to pursue!

I don't think I will post this to Facebook as I usually do. Not feeling the self-promotion anymore. I'm sure it will be disappointing seeing very few views in the statistics, but I don't want to waste peoples' time reading thoughts that they likely don't get much from. I enjoy posting these for my sake, and if someone gets some value out of them, well I'm glad!

Jordan Bond leaves for Canada tomorrow. I'm excited for him on his great adventure, but a bit sad for myself at the same time. It's sad how people come and go in life. We are such a bunch of individuals. Writing that, I wonder if it's a good thing or not. I think sometimes I may do life a bit too solo, disengaged, independent. Is co-dependency a good thing? Is it important?

Stuff about me, and Ben's Baptism

I talked with Renier, the psychiatric consultant dude (pretty sure that's his title) on Friday to get a review of the psychiatric profiling majig I did last week. It was cool, he talked as if he knew me and the way I am because of the information he had drawn from the several questionnaires I did for him. Some of what he said I couldn't agree more with, and other bits made me question him, and question myself. He seemed to think I'm much more of a to-myself, individualistic person than I had thought, and that my social sophistication is low; that I'll go to parties and camps and such, but rather than be the centre of attention I prefer just to get into conversation with a smaller group and spend the night quietly, and I don't have a problem missing out on things. I disagreed about that, as I see myself as quite an out there guy, who loves to take centre stage and make people laugh, and hates to miss out. That said, I do also love the other side of things, being the quiet guy, spending time in my room reading or chilled on the couch at a party having a quiet conversation. I've found it interesting how since our chat I've been taking on what he said, noticing how different traits he believed I possess are quite prevalent, that I hadn't really noticed before.

Based on all the information I gave him, he told me there's pretty much only one career path he can see being suited for my personality with my abilities and interests, that being the path of academia. He told me I must go back to uni and plan to be there for years, do a PhD, become a lecturer, and stay there researching. I was so stoked! That sounds ideal to me, and I love that he just gave me the one option. It's cool: I suddenly see being a student in a completely new light. Being a student would actually be my occupation, as opposed to being a notch in my path towards a career in architecture. I think that was my problem in my undergrad. I never fully focussed on what I was doing, because I was always concerned with where I was headed, and the prospect of being an architect often failed to enthrall me. That's dumb. Doing that with anything is dumb! So now I want to go back to uni, and fully engage myself in it, really love and make the most of learning, excel. I want to fully engage in life! Jesus was good at that. I was talking with my mate Dan about it the other day. He mentioned the time Jesus was eating with some prostitutes and tax collectors, people seen as being bad people. When the self-righteous Pharisees came up to him, accusing him of being in the wrong for what he was doing, he curtly sent them on their way, because he was spending time with the needy people, and he didn't want to waste it. I want to fully engage every situation, to be present in the moment and see how I can glorify God by what I do. I think that might be what it means to be fully human.

So next semester I'm thinking I'll go to Carey Baptist College to study full time, which, conveniently is only 3 days a week so I can still work and hopefully afford flatting! I'll learn some very interesting stuff I'm sure about the Bible and theology and all things Christian and cultural and historical. Then I'll decide whether to pursue a vocation in theological studies or return to studying architecture and try my hand there. I'm excited! I feel God has answered me resoundingly with such a direct path to take! I'm sure it will take twists and turns on the way, so I'll be sure to keep seeking him always in order not to miss them and miss him! Complacency's a killer. But now for the first time in months I feel the gears are starting to turn again. Don't get me wrong, they have been going overdrive internally. These last few months full time at the cafe have been amazing for giving me space to think and sink my teeth into things other than architecture and study, and I don't regret them one iota. But change might well be on the horizon.

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I had the privilege of baptising Ben Harris tonight at Windsor, along with Grant and Dan. Being in the pool and asking him if he accepts Jesus as his Lord and Saviour, hearing his affirmation, then dunking him under and bringing him back up was such a special and proud feeling, to be involved in such a significant step in the life of a young man (or is it old kid?). I hope I'll get to enjoy that many more times! I was determined it would be a moment of deep sincerity for him, not ruined by mocking or anything like that, as I reflected in a smidgen of regret to my baptism when I replied 'Yee-eess' in a rather funny tone. Doing it that way it was more about me and getting laughs than committing to a life spent desperately pursuing God, and enjoying all the richness such a life like that has to offer. I wish I had said it much more determined, a resounding and confident "YES!" YES, THIS MOMENT IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE I'M DECLARING GOD'S PLAN FOR ME TO BE BETTER THAN MY OWN, AND THAT I TRUST HIM WITH MY LIFE, WITH ALL THAT I AM, BECAUSE HIS GRACE HAS SO ALLOWED IT! TAKE NOTE EVERYONE! I don't regret it too much though. I was young and immature, and now I know what it means to have my life given over to God. I think Ben did it good. Along with the sincerity came celebration, and we did it in fine style, the four of us bombing back into the refreshingly cold pool when everyone started heading back into the church - Grant included! No doubting the night's memorability. And then we got to pray for him. Tonight was a great night, and I'm so excited to see where God's going to lead Ben, and all the other Fuel boys I am so fortunate to lead.

Apt

John 7:37-38 (New International Version)

³⁷ On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. ³⁸ Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

I'm thirsty! Let me drink!

Dirty Mac - Yer Blues by Gaspard_Elliott

Bloody weather...

The main feature article of the NZ Herald website as of 12:28am, Monday 16 May 2011 says this:

Heavy rain, thunderstorms, gales and snow are forecast to make the next few days miserable for just about everybody, the MetService has warned.

Guts! I love how they not only forecast the weather, but the mood too! Meteorological psychologists - now there's an interesting profession!

The prospects of Mr Rice

I did a career/personality profiling quiz thing on Thursday. It was a three hour set of different quizzes with columns upon columns of multi-choice answers about my different interests and preferences. They will apparently confer to a man who knows how to read them what would be a suitable occupation for me. It started with a timed thirty minute IQ test which I'm pretty sure I nailed, so I'm hoping the career quiz man will tell me next Friday that I am a genius, presenting me with a selection of very lucrative job offers from high paying companies that will suit me perfectly! That would be nice. I somehow doubt that though, so will settle for just learning some hopefully interesting and informing information about myself, so I will have some good hints as to which direction I should head. Direction... Oh how I long for a clear lead!

There are a few things I've been thinking would be quite fun to do with my life.

1. I'd love to design and own a swanky (wanky?) book shop and cafe near the Auckland universities for predominantly scholars, but also just reflective folk, to come in, buy a coffee and sit down with a good book and get lost in thought. I'd create different spaces: quiet, cosy, comfortable ones with cushy armchairs and lamps and tea pots for those seeking quiet and solitude, and group spaces with tables and chairs for people to delve into deep debates and discuss meaning and important things like that. I always imagine it'd be like the Queen Street Borders, because I love how you can get lost in there and find a nice nook to sit and read a random book that's caught your eye. That's what I used to do when we went with our family. I could just spend hours there! My shop would be like that, but even more difficult to navigate and less commercial. People could just chill there. I'd probably want to sell records there too. It'd be called 'thinkspace.' (C) I wouldn't actually have to do much of the running of it either, I'd just get to spend my days in there, talking politics and philosophy and theology and architecture and whatever else with the many interesting people who would also enjoy my shop. Haha, dream on...

2. I think it'd be fun to be a politician. At Life Group the other night, Murray put out the question, who do we know of in politics who is a sold out evangelical Christian? Maybe they're in there, but I don't know. Most of the politicians I see on TV seem to be fairly rubbish, way too... well... political! I'd want to get in there and shake things up! New Zealand needs more real people in politics, who make things happen. Too many of the politicians I see aren't so much concerned with achieving the goals we voted them in to achieve, but with merely getting themselves back in next time. They enjoy the power just for the sake of being in power, not what they can achieve with it! So all this week I've been tuning myself into the news, learning about the things that matter to New Zealand, and finding out what our politicians are doing. Even if I don't end up down that path, I think it's good to know a bit about it so that I can make an educated vote, and so I can let them know what I think they should be doing. It's good to care about this country and the direction our leaders are taking us in. In the quiz I totally answered the questions so that the guy will tell me I'm going to be a brilliant politician. Cheeky.

3. I could be a pastor. Working in the cafe I get to see quite a bit of our pastors, as they meet up with many different people to discuss things over coffee. When they're not meeting people, they're in their offices, reading books and researching for their sermons, writing them, planning events, writing reports and articles... I don't really know but it seems they get a great mix of people stuff and quiet task work. And their role is in leadership: I love that! Pastorship is definitely a path I could imagine going down. However, I don't think at this young age it's where I would head straight away. Personally, I'd want to live in the world first, so that I could lead from experience. It's easy inside the church to be sheltered from the realities of life, so I'd want to live in the reality the majority of people experience first, before I could encourage them as their church leader.

Take a vote everyone! What should I doooo?

Sorry this has just been about me. Not the deep stuff you all seem to love, but I'll leave you with this. It'll make up for it. My flatmate Ben showed it to me a while ago. Sorry it's a little rude, but so well done, and soooo hilarious!

On Loneliness and Intimacy

This is TV On The Radio. I'm addicted to this song and their other new one, Caffeinated Consciousness. Pretty darn keen to get the CD just out.

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Life has been ridiculously busy of late, and I'm only just getting comfortable with the pace again. For the last two weeks since Easter Camp I was pretty destroyed though! Easter Camp is an epic 5 day long camp run by Baptist Youth Ministries for high school kids, and I've been going along since age 13, save last year when I was in Spain and a couple of years prior, when I went to the intermediate age one as a leader. I was a leader at this year's one, and amazing and awesome (in the true sense of the word) as it was, it was exhausting! I got back and was straight back to work with an 8am start... Combine work with being out of the house literally every evening and it led to a fairly moody, pensive Elliot. It's led to some pretty heavy thinking though! Sorry, I don't mean to rate my thinking at all, I've just found it quite heavy and intense, and a bit of personal breakthrough.

Leading into this patch I was really questioning my relationships, after some prompting by discussions with some friends. I came to a place where I felt I'm not truly known by anybody, where they know my every struggle and triumph, or know perceptively when to ask how I really am. Don't get me wrong, I am surrounded by many amazing people, and I don't doubt the sincerity of their love and care for me, but the reality is they aren't perfect (nor am I of course), and so they fail to fully satisfy me. I'd always known this, but this time I really felt it, and it felt lonely. I had a pretty glum day at work as all this was weighing on my mind, along with the tiredness. Work at the cafe is actually really great for giving me space to think about things, as the work is often menial.

I got home and read this very interesting article by Shalene Gupta titled On Loneliness. She wrote stuff like this:

There is friendship, and there is family, and then there is silence swollen with the murky fog of almost but not-quite forgotten sins, the jagged shards of broken promises that have not quite dulled with time, and the slimy residue of wounded feelings. There are so very many things that are never talked about. Instead you shut your eyes, you tell yourselves this is friendship and this is love, and you never say, where were you when I needed you, and you never wonder why you are attacked by sudden, terrible bouts of loneliness....

Sometimes, the loneliness is so terrifying all you can do is rush from one party to another, anxious to meet more and more people, so that when the sky falls down, at least someone will know it fell down on you. Paradoxically, when you rush from party to party, you become lonelier than ever. You can not meet people at parties. Too much noise for conversation.

It spoke to me pretty strongly. I could definitely relate to the pain she was expressing, of no one knowing you intimately enough. She then went on to talk about wanting to be the person everyone can talk to; the person who really asks you how you are. I liked that, but I understood as she said that was just too hard. Everybody is struggling with things, and to take on everyones' problems and to try and provide their satisfaction yourself is just too hard. You burn out trying to be that person.

For a while I stood by the side of the road and wore a sign on my chest that read: “Will Always Be There.”

When she realised this was just too hard, she turned to herself, and learned to find contentment on her lonesome. I think this is valuable to an extent, in line with this quote by Blaise Pascal:

I have often said that the sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room.

Having space for yourself just to stop and think and ponder things is so important. However, if it means you just become insular, perhaps narcissistic, I think you've gone too far the other way, from depending on relationships too much, to becoming cold and isolated; unloving. Ignorance is bliss, but it's still ignorance.

Not wanting to get too far down that path, I turned to the one relationship I'm told and led to believe offers true satisfaction and joy - that which I claim to have with God through Christ Jesus. More intensely than ever before I felt desperate for this relationship; in need of it. It was my only hope in the despair of loneliness, my only hope for the deep-felt intimacy I desired. I know God knows me completely, every struggle and triumph... but I needed to know it, to feel it in my being, to be comforted by it. Is that comforting intimacy offered? What does it mean to have this relationship with God? Is it a long-distance one, where perhaps every now and then I am overwhelmed by Him through a Holy Spirit 'experience', but otherwise it's a matter of praying and then waiting for a answer? Or it is here, now, satisfaction available? Can we experience intimacy with God in this life, in the midst of corruption and destruction, brokenness and corrosion, or do we only get glimpses, tastes of what's to come when God will dwell among us? Will I be among those to spend eternity with Him, who he says he knew and accepted? And does he really know me, or does he just know about me? I don't know; these are questions still big on my mind right now. All I do know is my hope has been greatly increased, because that's all I have. I want to know my God and be known by Him so badly, because I feel nothing else can hope to offer me the satisfaction I so badly desire! I want to chat with Him, and snuggle into his big arms and find rest in Him, and just feel exposed and known, but loved and secure. So I'm actually pretty excited about this all. It feels like reality, like I'm growing up and seeing life for what it is: hard and wearisome, but hopeful and ultimately satisfying. I'd just like to know when that satisfaction's coming, and see how deep this relationship with God can go.

Are you lonely? Do you have a hope?

Joy explosion

Tonight was so radical. We had Home Group at Nathan's house and it started off with its usual slowness, everyone just catching up and the typical sports conversations, followed by some pretty passionate discussing of how good the rodeo burger is and why salt and vinegar Pringles are the best Pringles (I love how people can get so intense about such mundane things! It happened at Easter Camp as well, when our small group was hanging out in the tent and talking about breakfast cereals... "Cocopops" "OH MY GOSH YES!" "NO WAY! I HATE HOW THEY GO SOGGY AND THEY'RE WAAAYYY TOO SWEET. NUTRIGRAIN FOR THE WIN!"... It's interesting how we have such passionate conversations about things which when seriously considered, don't matter at all... like sport. I think I probably just lost my entire male population of readers with that.) So with such inspiring conversations as these to kick off the night, it was clear we were heading for something intense and spiritual!

After going around most of the circle, each person sharing about their experiences of Easter Camp, we chose to pray for our mate in need, just as he had to leave. I love praying with my mates. They have such a great susceptibility to the spirit, and prayer times can often become passionate and powerful times. This was one of those times, when some people crack up with laughter, when people get pictures, or perhaps you can't help but shake! After we'd prayed for the friend, Sam felt led to pray for discernment in worship leading for Ash, so we got right into it. It was so cool how we led from praying for that specific thing for Ash, to discernment in general for him, to discernment for all those in the worship teams, to discernment for all those involved in running the Windsor Park services, to just anything on our hearts, from humbling ourselves before God and having our pride destroyed, to being given dreams and directions, to getting uncomfortable and being able to trust God in any situation. It was such fantastic spirit led prayer, not at all forced. The stuff I crave for! That's what we were praying for Windsor about: that we'd be a church led by the spirit, where plans are made for a service or a worship set in accordance with where God is leading us, and then the plans on the night are torn apart by God and he leads us in a completely unforeseen, spontaneous direction! That we'd be a church that isn't about looking good, filling quotas, following the status quo, experiences or anything forced and dishonest, but one where we come to freely love and be loved by God and each other, with no restrictions. At Easter Camp, Mike Pilevachi talked about how the kingdom of heaven is like a Greek wedding party that has erupted into dancing and ecstatic joy, and how Christ is the bridegroom who comes to the edge of the dance floor to welcome us into the celebrations! He talked about how Christ's first miracle wasn't raising the dead or something dramatic like that, but he just turned water into wine. He's provided the wine for the party, he is the great host! He talked about the day of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit had come upon 140 or so people in a room, overwhelming them, and how the first thing Peter said to the onlookers on was, 'Oh! Don't worry! We aren't drunk!' Living for God is living in freedom, and it's fun and mad! I want to see more of that overflowing joy I saw at Easter Camp and we tasted tonight. We want to see Windsor erupt with the joy of God, and to find freedom in being led by his spirit and not necessarily by a program! We want church to be about God, and not about Windsor Park or any of the leaders or anything but God. I'm excited to see this happen. We're excited!

And to think it had been a pretty dull day full of uncertainty and a bit of loneliness... I love how God can suddenly fill me with so much promise and hope for the future, even though I still have no idea what that holds.

First post from the flat!

We have internet! It has been a joyous evening of silent virtual interaction for us all! We are sitting in the lounge, glued to our screens for the first time in a month, occasionally mentioning things we see online. It's wonderful! Instead of sliding across to Pavis' side to watch a YouTube clip just now I got him to link it to me! Haha gold.

So priorities of course: my blog! So much has happened in the last month, too much to write in one blog without destroying you all with boredom... But I'll tell you a bit about a few key moments that have been pretty memorable...

Sam Pavis moved in as flat mate number 5! It's been great having him round. Not that these boys have replaced my family at all, but these fullas are so good to live with, how we all care about each others' days and want to be involved in each others' lives and want to contribute to the success of the flat. He's fit right in, cooking great meals and loving the cleaning jobs (he's easily replaced Ben 'Bertha' as the flat mum, but let's be honest, he lost that roll when he woke up one morning and drank a cup of sticky liquid that had sat out for the night and quite obviously had a long, rather thick line of ants running up into it. Rugged...

Speaking of rugged, I did my first solo tramping trip a couple of weeks ago! I was rostered off 2 days in a row from work so I took the opportunity to head into the Waitaks with my pack, boots and tent for a little adventure and extended quiet time. It was so good to get away from the busyness of life and just enjoy a walk in raw nature. Life has been incredibly busy lately, even though I'm only working 5-6hr days at the cafe, with activities on every night without fail (often two of them), plus getting things sorted at the flat and organising for various things I'm involved in, so this little getaway was pretty valuable to me. I'd always toyed with the idea of going alone into the wild, so I'm glad I manned up and did it. I actually found it all too short. Next time I'm keen for several days, to really get free of the noise of daily life and come to a place where I can think clearly and can listen to God without distraction. I'm still interested in doing Te Araroa later on this year, especially given my plans for the year are still so vague. Now that the internet and I are back together I will get to investigating this adventure!

This weekend I went to Easter Camp with the Windsor Park youth as a leader for Fuel. It was brilliant as always. God especially. It's such a great camp, and I love the 5 day length. It gives us such ample opportunity to really get to know the youth we live and go deep. It's also intense and exhausting! Every day I saw my boys getting more and more into it all, and into God. It was so special to be a part of it and to be able to share from my experiences and knowledge and lead them into their own relationships with Him. We had one boy give his life to Christ which I'm over the moon about. I'm so excited now to keep up the relationships we developed there, and take them further. Let the discipleship continue!

Otherwise, life continues as usual. I'm still working at the cafe, which I still enjoy most of the time. The people there are so great. The hockey season is underway, and though we've lost our first two games 3-1, we're competing well, especially given those are two of the usual top teams. It's mint being part of the team and seeing how we're improving all the time and keep determined to get up and win. Life Group, Home Group, 5pm and 6.30 church services all continue to take my time, but man do they all challenge and encourage me in my walk with Christ! I'm so lucky to be surrounded so wonderfully!

Life is very interesting, and intense. Sorry this has been a bit of a diary, probably not that interesting. I was try and keep these posts more perceptive and thoughtful than informative on my life, as that's pretty self serving I think. Just like a really long Facebook status. I will be posting more frequently I hope, too! Keeeeen!

I'll finish with this. I recently bought the CD.

The wheels on my car go round and round

I made the pesto chicken on oranged cous cous and ate it two nights in a row! It was fantastic. Well pleased with myself. I even made the pesto! Without a blender! I'll put a photo or two up soon. You will be so impressed. Perhaps.

I had a break this morning after a pretty hectic week and end. It was nice, just went for a good walk down past all the school kids trundling up to school (I found it interesting trying to pick the kids I think enjoy and excel at school and those who don't, based on the way they were walking)... down to the beach and along the walkway past all the middle aged folks doing their best to keep in peak physical form (I assume for no real reason other than keeping fit. I think it's dumb how we do that - go for runs just to keep fit. Play sport to get our exercise. I wish our lifestyles just meant that we were fit people, because we actually ran to work or our friends' houses or whatever we do... That's something I love about ole times, when you had to work to get places. Do some hard yards. Not really practical in this high paced society though is it...). I found a nice shaded bench and just sat there thinking, in a pretty tired and out of it kind of frame. I hadn't had... I should say, I hadn't made much time just for sitting and thinking and hearing God of late, so for a while it was just quite dazed and muddled thinking. Last night at church was a good reminder that I need to pursue my God more than I do. With so many things in this world vying for my attention, it's way too easy for me to let God be shut out. Sometimes I'm all ablaze and nothing else seems to matter, and then as soon as things get busy and I get caught up in it all, trying to gain control of it for myself, I make God take a back seat, and no doubt he gets frustrated with the new directions I take myself in. He knows my directional skills can be lacking. He's patient though. Not a backseat driver at all - but give him a chance, he'll take the wheel and take me somewhere extraordinary!

So this morning I was just wanting to come back to him. Put all the other schmuck aside. Give him back the wheel. It was nice just sitting there. I was thinking about direction a bit. Mine in particular. It's fairly vague at the moment, which is frustrating because it's been that way for a while. I work at a cafe which is great - I've been learning to make coffees and I'm much better with dishes nowadays, but it's not really a long term deal I don't think. I still appreciate good architecture (what I studied for the previous 3 years), and every now and then I get urges to design a great house, but beyond that it doesn't really have much of a hold on me at the moment. I really do enjoy writing and reading, but it's hard to see how a career could be made out of that? I don't know, none of that really matters. The thing I was thinking about most is about being in the motion. I often hear people saying they don't want to get stuck in the motions - they want to be out there and different and boundary pushing. I think that's great, but I also think that can stop us from moving. If we're always looking for the big thing to do, as perhaps I have been, it makes it pretty hard just to start. I think the whole world is 'stuck' in the motions. Autumn's upon us. Soon winter will be. Then there'll be spring and summer, and before you know it, autumn will have returned! And it will keep on returning. Waves will keep on crashing. Tides will come in and out. Flowers will bloom. Flowers will die. So will we... Everything is stuck in repetition. But isn't it beautiful and incredible? It is, and it's always on the go! These things can seem so mundane in comparison to a beautiful rainbow, or a rear bird that we happen to spot, or a pod of dolphins cruising by to awe us, but still they're so wonderful and vital to life. And so it's the same with me. I don't know my direction yet (maybe I'll run a book store/cafe?...), but so long as I keep moving, if I get into the motion and keep putting feet ahead, things will start to happen and those awesome things might come!

Schmeh.

Uplifting flat days

So brilliant:

The K Bar clip's even better!

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So I'm flatting now and it's pretty great. Last night was my fourth there. I'm nearly completely moved in. My room's a bit of a shambles, things boxed up and all over the floor, but I'm quite excited about sorting it all! I've always loved rearranging my room and making everything fit well and organising it. I remember as a kid taking all my books and things off my shelves and completely covering the floor with their mess, so that I could put them all back on, nicely rearranged! It's just difficult to find the time for it all at the moment but it's all good.

I made my first dinner there last night after youth group. Tortillas. Started cooking them at 10.30! I'm glad I did though, as the alternative was Mi Goreng, which I had already had a pack of for lunch. Much more satisfying having cooked a proper first meal instead. I even had one left over for lunch so I impressed all the girls in the cafe with my creation! Haha. I'm thinking pesto chicken on orange flavored cous cous for my next one! Hooow am I still single right?!

Probably because I say things like that ;)

Besides cooking, this flatting business is growing me up pretty quick I think. I took on the power account today which was big and scary. Going shopping yesterday morning and spending $130 on groceries was also a bit of a wake up! Finally I'm entering the 'real world' I've heard so much about... It's exciting! A little daunting, but new and thrilling too.

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My week without Facebook finished today. It wasn't all that difficult with all this moving going on, but there were still times when I felt a bit empty without it, kind of like I was fasting or something. It's a disappointing thing to check Gmail after a day and find nothing waiting there for me, or seeing my blog stats go down so dramatically, because my Facebook viewers can't click the link! It was definitely good though, I'm glad I tested it. I think I will use Facebook much less needily now. I hope so at least...

Anyway, got to keep busy so I will keep posting when I can! No internet at the flat yet so good excuse to come home, and enjoy mum's muffins while I'm at it!

Emily Rice makes me proud

She sang tonight at Roasted Addiqtion and it was sooo great being able to point her out to admiring fans (Lydia Cole was one! Yaow!) and go, 'her? Yeah... She's my sister, what of us?' It was her biggest gig yet, not size wise but importance wise. Jocee Tuck was the 'headline' but I don't think it was really like that. And Stephanie Dickinson played. Such a magic evening. Roasted Addiqtion is a cool little cafe in Kingsland (cool points straight away basically, being Kingsland. I don't really know anything about the place but everything I've heard of from that place appeals well to my pretentious douche bag side, and quirky little cafes like this one certainly help to sell it). We packed it out! I'm pretty sure most of the crowd was just friends of the singers, rather than fans coming to hear local music. Not that we're not fans! It was so sweet though. So many weird connections. The music world and Christian world are very close knit I find. All our usual churchy crew, then the Northcote Baptist crew, then the Auckland Uni music crew, then the other church people crew, then the architecture/Westie crew (haha, ok that was random, but so great! On ya Wade, Swaney, Matt and co.!). Em sang so well. I get real proud when I see her sing. She's so in her element up there, the way she bobs every now and then as she enjoys the music she's making with Sam, and moves the mic on the longer notes. I don't know if that's on purpose or just because the music moves her, but it looks cool. Her voice has gotten so mint over this past year. She studied jazz singing last year at Massey, before moving to Auckland this year to study pop music. Such a good way to start I think; she has improved vocally so much from last year's stuff, so this year as she learns to write good songs, she can dominate! Yay! It was so neat to see people so eagerly watching her and enjoying her stuff. Lydia Cole filmed one of her songs! Haha it was funny, Em saw her too, and got real nervous because she's a big fan (me too! We are way too big fans for someone who's probably not thaaaat famous, given our friends are friends with her... Like Amy and Katie were getting weirded out that we were so fame struck by her, because they know her!), and after she said she was trying to make eye contact with me to say 'LYDIA COLE'S FILMING ME! AAAGH!' It was pretty inspiring. I want to do stuff like Em that makes people go 'Wow, this is good.' Maybe it'll be a building I design. Hopefully not just coffees, but I'll settle for that now.

I can't wait to see Sophie in the production in a couple of weeks. She's been working so hard at it! She's got a big future ahead of her too, world. Look out.

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I got a sweet surprise when Tim called this afternoon to fill me in on the big news - the owner of a house in Murrays Bay we applied to rent two weeks ago has accepted us! I'm going flatting! This weekend! It's myself and 3 friends, hopefully 4 before long. We will be living together! And WE'LL be the men of the house! What a change this will be. I was sitting in my wonderful room when the phone rang, and as Tim spoke I surveyed my current pad, immediately struck that in no time at all this place will become foreign to me. How scary, that I, dependent on my parents for 21 years now, will now be fending for myself in the big scary world, my own man. I know the fending won't be that intense, living still so close to home, but it's such a big step, and I'm so stoked I'm finally getting to take it. It's cool, this was a big thing about this year for me - going flatting. I'm excited for how it's going to change me, how I'm going to grow up and be my own man now. I don't mean get all mature and boring, just responsible and independent. I need more of those skills. So pumped! Aaaagh can't believe it, so sudden and exciting and life changing :) Man Cave here we come!

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The urge for Facebook was minimal today. Who needs it though when so much exciting stuff is happening? We'll see when I'm bored and things are quiet.

A Week Without Facebook begins!

I was so on the brink of deactivating my Facebook just then. Man. Still seriously thinking about it. I use it way too much. Rely on it even. I always say I just want to use it for events and contacting distant friends, but it's just so awfully easy to click 'Home' and get sucked in. I spend far too much time just scrolling down,looking for entertainment. When I get bored of that, it's onto people profiles, and that's just terrible! Seriously, it's stalker-ish (esque?) what it allows us to do... And are my concerns about not having a Facebook really that valid? Yes, it means I can follow what my distant friends are doing much less, but I can still contact them! Email still works. So does the post. So that's easy enough to work around... What about the events? So many things are organised purely on Facebook these days. My 21st wouldn't have happened without it, and how many would I have missed without it? But perhaps that's ok. I always talk about my F.O.M.O. tendencies, but I rarely do anything to curb them. I don't really need to go to any of these hang outs or parties or events. Life will go on with or without me! But will mine without them? Maybe that would be a good thing for me to learn. And surely, if people really wanted me at their event, they could simply text me?

I don't want this to be my reality:

Alright, that settles it. I'm trialling this. One week without Facebook. This is going to be hard I'm sure. I never make stupidly big challenges like this (I apologise if this sounds pathetic to those of you who find living without Facebook simple!), but I've become far too reliant on this thing, and I don't want a ridiculously fat file in my life for 'Time Wasted On Facebook' (re: The Room - previous blog entry). I'm sure it's already ridiculously big enough as it is! And please do contact me if something is happening that without Facebook I won't know of - I don't want to miss out on everything... Yikes! Ok, here goes. Wish me luck!

The Room, by Joshua Harris

I made this a double sermon week by running our youth group Fuel tonight. It was so great, the responses from the youths were epic, especially my small group. I talked about God's demands, where they came from and what they mean for us post-Jesus coming and dominating our sin. They all seemed to especially get stuff out of this story. I read it to them with their eyes shut, just imagining the scene. It's really challenging, and such a great picture of what Jesus did for us!

THE ROOM

By Joshua Harris

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger," "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

Sunday @ 5 sermon

Hey folks, this is the sermon I gave on Sunday at the 5 o'clock service. It was my first, and I quite enjoyed myself.

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"Tonight we’re continuing our series, ‘The Kingdom of Heaven is…’ where we are going through all the parables Jesus told in the book of Matthew; stories or images that he used to give us a better idea of what the Kingdom of Heaven looks like. The verse I have to speak on is Matthew 13:45, known as the Parable of the Pearl, or the Pearl of Great Price. It’s paired up with the parable we looked at last week, where a man finds a treasure hidden in a field, and then goes and sells all he has in his great joy, so that he can buy the field and own the treasure. Basically Jesus was saying the kingdom of heaven is a treasure to be discovered, and its value and glory fills you with a joy that makes you want to give up everything in your desire to get it. Frederick Bruner, who wrote a commentary on the book of Matthew, said when discussing these two parables,

'Few places in the New Testament as perfectly spell out the two main foci of the gospel, being grace and demand, and place them in their proper sequence, as do these two gem parables: first the jewels and then the selling; but without the selling there is no possession of the jewels.'

Last week we heard from five different people, as they shared about how that parable has been relevant to them, especially focussing on the demand side of the parables – the things they’ve sold or given up in their pursuit of the kingdom of heaven, and to better follow God’s direction. We found that to follow Christ might mean giving something up that we hold dear. Andrew talked about how he had to give up his parents’ approval in order to obey God in where he felt he was being led, because pleasing God was more important for him than pleasing his parents. That’s a big sacrifice! Jess gave up her lifeguard commitments in order to lead a youth group, as she felt God led her to do. For her, that was a big sacrifice!

For those of us who went to the 6.30 service, Ben talked about the same verse, and he challenged us to be ready to make those sacrifices, and to follow Christ wherever, whenever, whoever, however and in whatever he calls us to. It’s a heavy challenge, and one that shouldn’t be taken lightly: to follow Christ and take your place in the kingdom of heaven means to desire him more than anything else, and following him can mean obeying him in difficult things. To truly follow Christ means he must take a place more important than any sporting endeavour, any drive for success, any relationship or any image you may want to protect for yourself. These verses don’t say, ‘He went away and sold a bit of stuff to buy the treasure’, they say ‘all of it’. He calls us to seek and want the kingdom of heaven with all we have, because really it’s worth more than anything we have to offer. There are countless stories where people have given things up in order to better follow Christ. Many people in the Bible and out of it have lost their lives for Him, so highly did they value the kingdom of heaven! We see the apostle Paul as a great example of this. In his letter to the Philippians, 1:21-24, he writes:

‘For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.’

Clearly Christ is of the greatest importance and value to him, and because he is living in Christ, he is confident he will gain life with Christ in his death. He continues, writing:

‘If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.’

I wonder if we live, like Paul with this same attitude of great confidence and joy in what Christ offers us, or if we have a pretty weak grasp of all this? Do we value Christ as Paul did, so that our single concern is that he would be lifted high above all else, or is Christ’s grace just something else to think about and be thankful for, among the other important things in our life? Perhaps we don’t know about God’s grace yet?

Getting into the verse I have to speak on now, we read Matthew 13:45.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”

So as I was saying before, these two parables spell out the main foci of the gospel: grace and demand. Last week we talked about the demand, the sacrifices. This week I want to look at the reason for those sacrifices, why this pearl, the kingdom of heaven, is valuable beyond anything else and why it is worth all we have and all we are. As I’ve thought about this verse and researched it a bit, I think the Israelites who Jesus was speaking to would have understood what he was saying better than we do. In their day, the value of pearls was significant, far beyond most of their means. I’ll just read some of the stuff I found, because I think it helps to put the value of pearls in perspective:

‘Before the beginning of the 20th century, the only means of obtaining pearls was by manually gathering very large numbers of pearl oysters from the ocean floor. The shellfish were then brought to the surface, opened, and the tissues searched. More than a ton were searched in order to find at least 3-4 quality pearls. In order to find enough pearl oysters, free-divers were often forced to descend to depths of over 100 feet on a single breath, exposing them to the dangers of hostile creatures, waves, and drowning, often as a result of shallow water blackouton resurfacing. Because of the difficulty of diving and the unpredictable nature of natural pearl growth in pearl oysters, pearls of the time were extremely rare and of varying quality. Divers had only very basic forms of technology to aid their survival at such depths. For example, in some areas, they greased their bodies to conserve heat, put greased cotton in their ears, wore a tortoise-shell clip to close their nostrils, gripped a large object like a rock to descend without the wasteful effort of swimming down and had a wide mouthed basket or net to hold the oysters.’

So hopefully you can see that to acquire a pearl in Jesus’ day would be significant. Most people couldn’t hope to afford a pearl, so the comparison to gaining the kingdom of heaven would have been obvious. If the kingdom of heaven is like a pearl of great value, then surely it’s something to pursue and make sacrifices for.

Take a look at this bracelet of pearls:

Quite nice aren’t they? Any guesses at the cost? This is a Swarovski bridal bracelet, and the Buy Now price for these is just $52.50 on TradeMe.

How about these ones?

This lady is Maisie Plant, and in 1915 she traded her 1.2 million dollar 5-storey mansion in 5^thAvenue, New York for the pearls around her neck. Unfortunately for Maisie, she didn’t anticipate the depression, the war, and the introduction of cultured pearls, so in 1957, her necklace was sold at auction for just $170,000. Since the introduction of farmed pearls, they have become much more attainable. While it used to be that only 3 or 4 pearls would be found in at least a ton of hand-picked oysters, now through modern technology billions of pearls are farmed every year, and they look virtually the same, yet they only cost tens of dollars. By the 50s it was the era in which every woman could own her own pearl necklace.

I wonder if this is reflective of modern day society and our perception of heaven? In the same way the value of pearls has been cheapened, has the value placed on the kingdom of Heaven been reduced? True, natural pearls are rare and valuable, but in this modern day and age we’re able to create replicas easily, so their value has been lost, and they no longer have any great importance. I tend to think the same may be said for heaven for many people.

A while ago I read a book by Mark Sayers called ‘The Trouble with Paris’. Mark Sayers is a pastor of a church in Melbourne, and he’s well known for his speculations on Christianity in modern society, particularly in the young adult age group. In this book he looks at a concept called ‘hyper-reality’, which he argues has engulfed and corrupted modern western society. A twentieth century French philosopher Jean Baudrillard coined the term hyper-reality when he took a trip across America, visiting places like Las Vegas and Disneyland. He said that our culture had become hyperreal, meaning that we could now have things that were even better than the real thing. These days, hyperreality isn’t just limited to Las Vegas and Disneyland, but it has penetrated pretty much every part of our daily lives. The world has become a pretty misled place. Hyper-reality has come as a result of society being driven by consumerism, mass media and widespread individualism. Because of it, peoples’ expectations of what this world has to offer us have been overextended. People think this world can offer us more than it actually can. What are some examples the world tells us are possible, but probably aren’t realistic? We can keep our youthfulness. We can be rich. We can look good if we don’t already. We can avoid suffering. We can be popular. We can be happy when we buy things and achieve things and look good. We can be famous. We can be truly happy and satisfied by these things… All these things the world tells us to seek represent the cheap, fake pearls that we now use to replace the genuine one, which is the kingdom of heaven., but that is the only one that can truly satisfy us. I think this video clip kind of demonstrates just how bad hyper-reality has got. I do apologise for exposing you to this by the way…

Rebecca Black, the singer, is one of a quickly growing number of young celebs that have been produced by the company Ark Music Factory. At the request of parents seeking fame and wealth for their privileged children, this company takes the youngsters, many, as we can see having very little talent in the music industry, and they write them a basic pop song, recording their voice with auto-tune, and then create a Disney-like video with the purpose of making them famous.

Now I know that this example is a bit of an extreme, but I think it demonstrates the basic message that currently dominates society, that says we have to make something important of ourselves, and that you exist to satisfy yourself. We’ve been brought up in a world that values success, and ignores reality. Realities like Rebecca Black can’t sing, nor can her friends in the video act… Realities that we just aren’t talented at some things, while other people are. Realities like we will inevitably fail at things. People will stuff us up, and we will stuff others up. And perhaps greatest of all, there is the reality that we all will grow old and die. I wonder what false realities you have been chasing? Have you been led to believe that there is a way you can be fully satisfied on earth? Instead of seeking that valuable pearl, living for God and selling ourselves on his behalf, building up our treasures in the kingdom of heaven, so many of us are seeking our immediate satisfaction in these worldly things, the false pearls. For us Christians though, this is such an ironic thing, because we know these things can never truly satisfy. We believe that our true satisfaction and joy will be found in heaven when God dwells among us. It’s difficult though to live sold out for God, because living in this false reality can be pleasant and easy. So why would we want to give away control, and sell all we have for this one genuine pearl, when it means we will have to suffer for a while, just like those pearl divers did and the merchant in the parable does? Why would we accept that this world isn’t all we want it to be, when it’s so much easier to pretend that it’s good, and to not worry about what the future holds? The reason is because reality is nagging at us. I know this clip gets overplayed, but I think it illustrates what I’m talking about pretty perfectly. This man had been searching for true reality, for that fine pearl, unconvinced that the world in which he lived was all there was. When confronted with the choice to either remain in his naïve comfort or to discover true reality, it was difficult. It's the Red pill/Blue pill scene of the Matrix. Unfortunately I'm unable to embed this video so you'll have to click the link. Watch from about 1:22 to 3:44.

Over the past few weeks through the news, I’m sure we will all have been reminded of how little control we actually have in our lives. It seems that reality has been breaking through, the reality that we currently live in a broken world have no real guarantee for happiness here. There is nothing in our lives, in our world that can give us a surety of happiness. Possessions and loved ones can so easily be lost. The little empires we build up for ourselves can be damaged and destroyed, if not by some disaster, probably at different stages by the general struggles of life we all must face, and certainly when we die. It’s pretty disturbing how easily it can all be stripped away. And that is reality.

I’ve found this to be reality in my life over the last 6 or so months, not through any real hardships, but simply in quiet times, when I just stop and think about all I have. Through my life I’ve always been a pretty happy guy. The thing is, nothing has really gone too badly for me. School and uni were easy enough. I’ve always had plenty of good friends, and my family has been great. I have a nice room filled with lots of nice stuff. Not much of all that I have has been taken away from me, and perhaps my whole life could go that way. But as I sat thinking one day, I was considering what of it would really last me. As I’ve already mentioned, probably none of it. It sounds really depressing and such, but the hard truth is, one day my family and friends will all die, and so will I! And so that leaves me with nothing. And that’s reality. I appreciate these people and things; they are good to me. But I can’t put too much trust in them, because no matter how great they may seem, because the hard truth is they are imperfect, and won’t always be there for me. Fortunately, reality doesn’t end there. As I was thinking about these things, and feeling a bit disturbed by the emptiness, I thought about my relationship with God, and the promises he’s made. I’ve always believed that God has saved me and that I’ll get to go to heaven and be with him when this happy life ends, but up to this time it had just been like a cosmic insurance. I treated it like another fake pearl, just a way to ensure my current satisfaction would continue forever. I didn’t give the kingdom of heaven the true value it deserves. Yes, it did lead me to change parts of myself, kind of like token gestures, and I did care about God, but I probably didn’t place much dependency on him. He was my helper, and I’d help him when I felt like it. But as I was thinking about all I have, and realized it doesn’t all equate to much, that’s when it dawned on me just how important is this relationship Christ offers me and this place he has prepared for me in the kingdom of heaven. In the absence of all the things I own and all the people I care about, the kingdom remains. Jesus never leaves me, and that’s why this pearl is so precious! It’s not just a pretty thing we wear as we do our usual things, just a token cheap pearl to make us look better. It is the reason we do all things. It is the lasting jewel that has me prepared to give up anything at anytime in any place. When push comes to shove, the fake pearls in life won’t stand up to the test. They’ll be proved false, mere imitations of the real thing.

I think too often Christians fall into the trap of trying to align their faith with hyper-reality, as I was doing. They make God and the kingdom of heaven just another way to give them a good feeling. Instead of being the bread of life and the one true pearl that we sell ourselves for, we box him up and only worry about him when things go badly. He becomes our cosmic insurance, so that we can live a normal happy life here, making success and other worldly things our core values, and then we think we still have that surety of this life continuing when we die. Too often we become complacent and allow ourselves to settle for just enjoying life. We do all we can to avoid suffering and injustices, wanting heaven now instead of accepting the reality that it is coming, but for now we must wait patiently for our full satisfaction. We need to pay more attention to what Paul said, when he talked about producing fruitful labor while life in the body continues.

So this all begs the question: is the value you place on the kingdom of heaven like a fine pearl, retrieved from the bottom of the ocean? Or, along with the rest of the world, have you started to seek those things seemingly closer at hand, which claim to offer satisfaction, like success, fame, relationships and wealth? While those things may give some satisfaction, they can’t hope to be lasting. They offer an imitation of the true satisfaction that awaits us. They are just like the billions of cheap, farmed pearls that anyone can get. The pearl Christ offers will only be received by some, not all.

I’m going to pray now, and then we’ll do communion. As we go into it, I’d like it if we could take it silently. Take it seriously. Jesus says he’s the bread of life. Think hard if he’s the bread of your life, your be all and end all, or if he is simply a cosmic insurance. Reflect on the value you give him and the kingdom of heaven. Are you wearing him like a cheap pearl you’ve already bought, or are you living your life desperate to glorify him for the grace he has shown you, confident that one you will stand before him and he will offer you the finest pearl? I’d encourage you not take this communion out of habit, but as a meaningful act of committal to him. Ask him to reveal himself to you, to give you a new revelation of the value of the pearl he is offering you. And please! Don’t feel at all pressured to take it."

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We then went into communion and took it silently after I prayed. It was a great experience leading the 5pm church for a night, and one that I'd definitely like to have again. I appreciate when people are able to give me pointers about how to improve, and they really ask me about the stuff I'm saying. Not gonna lie, I also really appreciated the compliments people gave me about the message. Made me feel pretty glad of all God's been doing for me, and of this place he has brought me to where I can share to other people and hopefully encourage them by a message. Windsor is such a great, supportive environment, and I'm so stoked to be given opportunities like this.